Reasons To Laugh At Sp*rs - NLD Special

Liverpool fans get a lot of stick, probably deservedly so, for having the most deluded fan base within British football. I'm not saying Liverpool fans aren't deluded - a lot are. In my time I have heard some seriously "out there" comments but they do not compete in the slightest with the delusion of the fans of the small club from Middlesex The Arsenal are travelling a short distance to play on Saturday lunchtime. 

Despite the fact I know what I'm hearing from their mouths is absolute b*llocks 99% of the time it can do my head in. As Arsenal supporters, it is perfectly natural to hold a dislike for that lot but reasons for not liking them other than the obvious probably differ from fan to fan depending on age and what fans have experienced over the years. Aside from the obvious reasons we all share, here's a list of why I HATE S***s but also why they are funny as f**k.

THEY ACTUALLY THINK THEY'RE A BIG CLUB

Ask any fan of English football who the biggest clubs in the country are. You'll get the obvious two straight away, Manchester United and Liverpool. The two most successful clubs in the country with each winning multiple European cups, let alone multiple titles. Then you'll have Arsenal, the most successful team from the nation's capital. The third most successful team in the league, one of the most widely supported clubs in the world. 13 league titles and 11 FA Cups whilst a place in the Champions League is expected rather than hoped for. Following that will be the oil rich Chelsea and Manchester City. You'll then come to Newcastle and finally, maybe, Tottnum. I'm twenty five years old, in the time I have been alive they've only won two league cups and an FA cup whilst making The Champions League proper once. Once! Big clubs do a lot more than that. 

"YOU WATCH US ONCE WE'VE BUILT OUR STADIUM"

Oh I'll watch you cretins. I'll watch as you wait years to pay off the huge debt you incur after having built a stadium. I'll watch as you struggle worse than Arsenal did because you can't use the Champions League money to pay the debt off. I'll wallow in your delusion when you think building a stadium will allow you to become as great as The Arsenal. Truth is, Newcastle play in a 54,000 seater stadium and what have they done recently? Exactly. Oh wait, you're getting a Sainsburys!? All worth it then I suppose! W*nkers.

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WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THEY WON A TROPHY?

Like it or not Arsenal probably deserved the stick they got for not winning a trophy for so long. We're one of the biggest clubs in the country and even though getting Champions League football consistently was a huge achievement given the circumstances, big clubs must also consistently win trophies. Arsenal were constantly reminded by supporters of other clubs how long the drought had gone on for, the papers, SKY, BBC, ITV. You name it, they'd had a pop at Arsenal for not winning anything for so long. The Spuds included. Yes that lot - who are they to take the piss!?

During our drought they won one League Cup. Yes, that's right, a League Cup. The cup no one cares about. They've made the final again this year and celebrated like they've made the Champions League final. I shouldn't take it away from them to be fair. There's a reason they've celebrated like that. And who am I to take anything away from the plucky supporters of a small club from Middlesex? We all know top four is their everything and given how rarely they get that we should really let them enjoy winning The Milk Carling Capital One Worthington Cup. Maybe just once.

Truth is, they haven't won anything in six seasons. You may or may not have known that. The media aren't ramming their drought down your throat like they did with ours and that's the difference between being a big club and being a small club.

I was going to put an image here of things that had happened "since S***s last won a trophy" But when I typed "since s***s last won a trophy" into Google it only came back with "since Arsenal last won a trophy" pictures. No one cares enough about them to make one. I've got a job, moved out, got married and had a baby son since their famous League Cup win though if that's any good?

"SIR" HARRY REDKNAPP

This wouldn't bother me so much if Harry Redknapp wasn't such an odious creature outside of football let alone in it. When Harry was their manager he was their hero. The media loved him, even singing Happy Birthday to him as he walked into a press conference. There was serious talk of him becoming England manager at one stage.

This is a bloke who has won only one major trophy in his whole managerial career. To do that he had to plummet Portsmouth into a desperate state of debt. His FA Cup win was the catalyst that begun Portmouth's demise down the Football League, he takes no blame for that though, does he? His dog pays his tax (allegedly) and he leans out of car windows. His biggest achievement whilst he was in charge of them was to completely bottle their best chance of finishing above Arsenal for ages. And yet, the delusional fans that they are, had the nerve to taunt Arsene Wenger whilst referring to the most over rated manager to ever step into a dug out as "sir." Whatever you think of Wenger, surely you can appreciate and laugh at how stupid that logic is?

Now things have gone pear-shaped at QPR, "Sir" Harry Redknapp has done a bunk citing 'knee problems'... Mon"knee" probelms most likely. He is not a football manager, he's a wheeler dealer.

WOOLWICH WANDERERS

Arsenal, as we all know, began life south of the river in Woolwich. Moving to North London in 1913. Tottnum, for obvious reasons, didn't like this. Calling Arsenal things like gypsies and, most famously, The Woolwich Wanderers. Fair enough I suppose but what gets me is how short their memories can possibly be! Do they not remember their recent bid to relocate to Stratford in East London to play inside the Olympic Stadium!?

Do they not realise that to prevent themselves from going homeless for a season they will probably be playing in Milton Keynes? That's fifty miles away from their home! Arsenal were actually the first club in 'North London' by the way, considering Middlesex wasn't officially part of London until 1962, a year after S***s' second and last league title, but they don't like knowing that either. Idiots. The lot of them.

Honorary mention for calling themselves "The Pride of North London" given what The Arsenal have achieved as opposed to them, thinking players like Andros Townsend and Aaron Lennon are better than players like Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Theo Walcott and for saying "To Dare Is To Do" when they, in fact, do nothing. 

Tottnum are nothing more than a small club who live in the shadow of the team that plays in red. They have a chicken on a basketball for a crest and along with their fans are like the 5ft 4" gobby prick in the pub. It's small man syndrome in the form of a football club. I hope The Arsenal smash them to pieces on Saturday but whatever the result there is only one big club in North London. The Arsenal.

I'll admit to loving one S***s legend though, this one;

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